An Unwelcome Insight

by on July 14, 2012 · 14 comments

in Culture, Editor's Picks

Young Judi Curry

As I have been aging, I have spent more time thinking about my mother and father.  I will not dwell on my mother, because there are not many good things I can say about her. (After you read about my father you will probably say there aren’t many good things to say about him either.) Suffice it to say that my mother was a social butterfly; more concerned with appearances than substance.  She was a pianist and she and her sister were Leonard Bernstein’s first music teachers. Her parents were immigrants from Russia and Poland, and my grandfather was one of the nicest people I had ever met.  My grandmother had a mean streak – which was inherited by my mother – and not nearly as nice as Grandpa. My mother and father were very wealthy – more about that in a moment – and I had my own governess until I was seven years old.

We lived just on the border of Beverly Hills and Los Angeles; yet I was culturally deprived. I had never been north of the San Fernando Valley; east of East Los Angeles; or south of San Pedro.. I had been sent to Girl Scout camp on Catalina, where I proceeded to get seasick from the time we left San Pedro until the return. I was always left in the care of the governess or the maid.  When my mother married my father, an immigrant from Budapest, she became a “decorator to the stars” and it was not unusual to have celebrities in the house daily, nor was it unusual for her to take me on some of her jobs to “show me off.”

But my father was a wonderful man to my sister (younger) and I. He always tried to undue the damage my mother had caused, only to incur her wrath. But….he was wealthy; gave her everything she ever wanted – to the point of filing bankruptcy – and then he became a wealthy man again.  You see, my father was a “professional con man.”  This is the honest to goodness truth: my dad sold “non-existent property with oil wells on it.”  And he sold a lot of them. For a lot of money.  And he was a gambler. A fairly good one at that.  And if that wasn’t enough, he was a lowly “member of the mob.”  I think I must have been about 7 years old when the phone rang and I answered it. (Wonder where the maid was?) A man asked to speak to “Harry.” (All his friends called him “Jimmy.”) When I asked who was calling – my governess schooled me in the right way to answer the phone – the caller said “Mickey Cohen.”  Even at 7 I knew who he was.  My dad asked me not to tell my mother – and promised to buy me something I wanted if I didn’t tell her, and, of course, I never told her.

Mobster Micky Cohen

Everyone loved my dad. He was charming with dark black curly hair and beautiful green eyes. He spoke with a slight Hungarian accent that made him even more charming.  He owned a furniture store in Watts – yes – a white man owning a store in Watts in the 40’s and 50’s.  He made wonderful deals with the people in the neighborhood. He gave them money; he loaned them money; he knew the children’s name of his clients; he always had candy in his pockets for them; everyone loved “Jimmy.” In retrospect, he probably gouged them by his wonderful “deals.”

I don’t know when he was caught selling his “real estate deals.” I know it was before I was born, and I know that he spent a year in Leavenworth but no one would talk to me about it when I was old enough, and none of his family is left to talk to me now.  But I do know that as a child there was nothing I wanted for; my clothes were all hand-made and I spent hours at “Helen Fenton’s” having my clothes fitted to my mother’s specifications.

When I was sixteen my parents divorced. (Hence my marriage at 17!) Almost immediately my mother married another wealthy man – who also ended up filing for bankruptcy.  But my allegiance went to my father, who would win big at the racetrack – Hollywood Park and/or Santa Anita. Remember, this was before he could bet any other place but Las Vegas. He would come over to see me and give me $1-2000 dollars and tell me to put it in a safe place. It was always given to me as a “gift” and sometimes I would have it a day; sometimes a few months, but he always came to “borrow” it back.

He was somewhat of a “drama queen.” He frequently “attempted” suicide; often times I would visit him at Los Angeles General Hospital where he would be recovering from the latest attempt. And he always promised that he wouldn’t do it again – until the next time. I don’t ever remember it being a “touch and go” situation; rather it was a ploy for attention.

When he turned about 55 I found he wasn’t coming over as frequently as before. Sometimes he would leave an envelope in my mailbox with $5000-$10,000 in it telling me he really hit it big and the money was mine. My former husband and I would wonder what kind of bets he must be making to come up with such a big “profit.”

Then one day I got a call from “Ms. Betty”. Her voice sounded so old I thought we might not be able to finish the conversation! She asked me if I knew how to get in touch with “Jimmy.” I asked her how she managed to get my phone number and she said that one time when Jimmy was asleep she went through his wallet and found my number.  She told me that she had given over $80,000 for Jimmy to invest for her and she hadn’t heard from him in a few weeks. She wondered how her investment was doing.  She told me that they were “in love” and he told her as soon as her investment doubled they would be getting married. I asked how old she was and she had just celebrated her 79th birthday.

I left word for my dad to call me and it took weeks before he did. In the meantime, another lady called me with virtually the same question – “How do I get in touch with Jimmy.”  Their wedding was only a few weeks away and she wanted to talk to him. “For crying out loud, Dad, why are you keeping my telephone number in your wallet”, I asked.  He said that if was walking across the street and had a heart attack he wanted someone to notify me. (The ironic thing is that was exactly how he died – and that was how I was notified, but years later.)

Do you remember when newspaper boys stood in the middle of the street selling the morning and/or evening editions to the newspapers to people driving home? One day on the way home from my teaching job, I looked at the headlines of the Los Angeles Times, smack dab into the face of my father. The headlines read “ . . . Harry, The Hapless Horse Player” . . . with the byline  “promised to marry 9 women for their investments.” It is a wonder that I didn’t run over the newspaper boy.

It turned out that Ms. Betty could not find my dad and reported him to the police. They did an investigation and turned up 8 other women that had given him money to invest. When they were asked why they did it, their answer is so familiar to me today.  To a woman they answered, “we were lonely.” Apparently my dad had lost none of his charm. He wined and dined the ladies – probably on their money – took them out, cuddled with them, and they “fell in love.” It is interesting to note that only Ms. Betty filed charges against him. I am sure that the other 8 women thought he would be back to them as soon as he served his 3 year jail sentence. I know he never made restitution; Santa Anita and Hollywood Park had all the money. There were no investments; he didn’t even play the favorites because if they won “ . . they wouldn’t pay anything.”

So why am I writing about things that happened so many years go? I am almost embarrassed to tell you.  And the realization today almost dropped me to my knees.  I could easily be any one of those 9 women.  Like them, I, too am very lonely.   I fell in love with a younger man, and I would have done anything he would have asked of me.  I kept thinking that I don’t have a lot of cash on hand, but I live in a large house in Pt. Loma. If he needed money I could easily get my hands on a large sum of money to give to him.

Being lonely makes a person very vulnerable. There isn’t much that the person won’t do to assuage that loneliness. Probably every possible solution has been looked at; tried; and discarded.  It is not  that one is “buying” happiness; rather one is seeking a way out of the depression that threatens almost every waking moment.  To have someone give you a hug; a kiss; an embrace is worth all the money in the bank. To wake up next to a warm body and know you aren’t alone in the world is a wonderful feeling.

Today my former friend called and asked me how much I paid for my car a few months ago. He was with me every step of the way in that purchase. I almost – almost – offered him a loan just so I could have him put his arms around me one more time; to feel human warmth, affection, and, in my own mind, love. I didn’t, but am I any different than the women that trusted my father; that looked for love and were willing to pay for it? I wonder. I did not offer the loan but I thought of it; perhaps I am not as bad as my father’s women. After all, they had to have obtained the money somehow.  For now – I will not sell my house, and I will still seek happiness and companionship.

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Judi Curry

High school dropout who decided to show the educational community what learning is all about. If it's the status quo something's wrong with it and I'll scratch the itch!
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar Sandi July 14, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I love this piece. It’s brutally honest and it’s a reminder that we never know what we will do until we are in the situation where our needs might outweigh our caution. I know this doesn’t take the place of the real thing, but (((HUGS))) to you. Always know that there are people who care about you.

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avatar Zach on the side July 15, 2012 at 3:17 am

Wow! So much of yourself you’ve put into this piece. Reading this, I could never have guessed it was you, my good friend of so many years. I hope this process has been cathartic, sharing deeply personal and impacting things from the distant past. These details aren’t just poignant but also riveting. You could write a successful book about all these bygone events. A lot of people would be very interested in the stories you could tell of those times, that era in that place.

But more essentially you’ve opened your heart to all readers who might happen by, risking everything to tell the simple truth that you’re suffering a great loneliness. What you’ve done is speak out loud what many others feel or have felt in the past. You’ve spoken for all who know the terrible emptiness that can beset us at some points in our lives. You bring such people together this way, as what we all need is to feel that we share something with others. Sharing loneliness may not be optimal, but it can keep away some of the echoes.

It’s hard in that position to believe how close celebration and joyousness truly are, no matter where we are. It’s on the other side of this door we can’t seem to open, and then we start doubting that there is a door. But you’ve opened it merely by speaking from who you are at such deep levels. The world is your companion. I hope you know that. The world can’t always hold you and kiss you, but it does desire to do so, just as you desire it. Each of us a ship on the ocean, and what is this but a commerce of the heart? When you speak as you have here, there will always be voices which answer back. One heart answers another just as the birds’ calls.

Where is “he”? He has visited your life many times in many persons, and he will again. Keep speaking out, just as a bird keeps calling, and there will come the voice of him you seek. This great universe has better plans for you than such sadness! What a storied life, and still going strong!

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avatar Anna Daniels July 15, 2012 at 9:49 am

This is so much more than a story of sadness and loneliness, Judi. I don’t know if you realize that it is a testimony to an incredible strength and belief in your self worth. Those are amazing accomplishments in light of your personal experiences. You have my deepest admiration.

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avatar judi July 15, 2012 at 10:27 am

Thanks Anna, Sandi and Zach. The rebellion I offered as a youth has followed me for many years. I reject so many of the things my parents were involved in that people sometimes asked me if I was adopted. To make two more additions to the original piece, my sister committed suicide when she was 26; two days before Christmas, leaving a 5 year old child behind. I know that our upbringing had a lot to do with her decision. And…as one of my daughter’s pointed out – my mother married for a 3rd time; yes, a millionaire, and he, too, filed for bankruptcy. But I like to think that he got back at her, because he died at 12:01am on their anniversary. She never (?) forgave him! And let me set one more record straight: Although my mother claimed to have been Leonard Bernstein’s piano teacher, it was truly my Aunt Fritzi – her sister – that taught her for over 5 years. My mother stepped in when Aunt Fritzi was unable to teach. And….the final (?) comment: When my mother and her husband went to Vienna, they went to hear Mr. Bernstein. She told the usher that SHE was Frizi and he asked to meet her again. He never knew he was meeting the “other” sister.

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avatar Debbie July 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Judi,
I told you this years ago and I’m telling you again…you are the strongest woman I know, one of the most compassionate and you have one of biggest hearts of anyone I have ever met. I loved when I met you and after reading this, I love you even more.

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avatar judi July 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Debbie, you have always been one of my favorite people. Talking about what I did for you – you did a heck of a lot more for me when I left Maine. Miss you – and thank you.

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avatar Dave Patterson July 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Wonderful piece Judi. Please keep writing, you are teaching us so much.
Dave

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avatar judi July 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Thanks, Dave. Looking forward to reading your “Boy Scouts” article very soon. (You did send it in, didn’t you?) Judi

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avatar Leslie Werner July 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

My! Beautifully written. What a gift you have. You are offering us insight into who you are and in addition an offering of insight into ourselves. Keep going.
Leslie

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avatar judi July 19, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Thank you Leslie. I appreciate your words. Judi

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avatar Patty Jones July 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Courageous, honest and inspiring writing dear, dear Judi. You are a blessing.

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avatar judi July 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Thank you so much, Patty. Sometimes I am surprised at how much I have shoved into my sub-conscious that is now surfacing. I value your opinion so much.

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avatar Terrie July 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

Once again you astound me, Judi!

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avatar judi July 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

Thanks, Terrie.

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