Let’s Ban Erections

A response to Senator Lindsey Graham’s latest abortion proposal

By Judi Curry

I am tired of men – and stupid women – telling me what I can do – or not do – with my body. In the readings I have done I have never come across anything telling me that the legislature – or the Supreme Court for that matter – were appointed GOD (s) and until they can prove to me that they are the Superior Being, it is time that we women exert our own power to ban the very cause of fetuses – namely the ERECTION.

This is what I propose: Every time a man has an erection not for the purpose of conceiving a child, that penis be cut off. (The conception of a child must be agreed to by the female partner.) The removal must be done by a female mid-wife, female nurse practitioner, or the female receptionist at the front desk. If none of these are available, then it is permissible for the woman that caused the erection to remove it any way she sees fit. This does not have to be done in a licensed hospital; in fact, a back-street alley is preferable. I don’t think that a hanger would work to well, so maybe a dull knife that has not been sterilized would be the weapon of choice.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Hate to Break It to You, But You’re Probably a Slut

Being a slut is not a bad thing. Is it time to wear it as a badge of honor?
By Anabelle Bernard Fournier / Kinkly

Are you a woman? Do you have sex?

If you answered “yes” to these two questions, then someone, somewhere, thinks you are a slut.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a slut is “a slovenly or promiscuous woman.” Of course, it’s a derogatory word. It’s meant to be an insult: “You’re a woman who’s having lots of sex! You’re dirty and a terrible person!” But these days, the word is so liberally applied that any woman who dares to speak about being a sexual person can be slapped with that label almost automatically.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: The War on Sex

By William A. Collins / Other Words

Abortion, condoms,
Things that vex,
Those who would
Prohibit sex.

Fewer American teens are getting pregnant and the national abortion rate is falling. Time to break out the champagne and the bananas flambé, right?

But many religious zealots aren’t celebrating these numbers, which reflect a reduction in the number of traumatized young women and impoverished moms. According to these fervent religionists, no one, especially not the young, should have sex at all — unless they are trying to make babies.
  [Read more…]

Sex In San Diego: ‘Revenge Porn’ Outlawed in California as Governor Signs Bill

The anti-revenge porn bill makes it illegal to post naked pics of someone else without their consent.

By Jodie Gummow / Alternet

Exes beware! Before you think about posting naked pics of your former lover following a bitter breakup, you better think twice…

This week California Governor Jerry Brown signed Senate Bill 255, making it a misdemeanor to post identifiable nude photographs of another person online without their permission with the intent to cause emotional distress or humiliation. Doing so will now be punishable by up to six months imprisonment and a $1,000 fine, AP has reported.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Asexuality 101 — The invisible orientation

By ApostleOfCarlin / Daily Kos

I’ll come out of my closet and state up front that this is a topic close to my heart, because I am asexual. No, I don’t reproduce through mitosis. I simply don’t experience sexual attraction to the same sex or to the opposite sex.

I have not spotted much in the way of discussion … on asexuality, though I’m glad to see there’s a lot of support here for the LGBT* community in general. I thought I’d be helpful and post a little introduction to asexuality, also known as the Fourth Orientation.
  [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Unveiling the ‘Madonna-Whore’ Complex

How one of the most common, yet misunderstood, male sexual dysfunctions can rip relationships apart.

By Jody Gummow / Alternet

“Where such men love they have no desire, and where they desire they cannot love,” Sigmund Freud wrote back in 1925. The founding father of psychoanalysis coined the Madonna-whore complex – a condition whereby men view women as either saintly, virgin Madonnas or sexual “whores.”

In essence, the effect of Madonna-whore on a relationship is an inability of the man to maintain sexual arousal within a committed, loving partnership. In his psyche he categorizes women into two groups: women he can admire and women he finds sexually attractive; the former he loves, the latter he devalues.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: How Body Image Issues Can Ruin Your Sex Life

From Huffington Post

Does bad body image lead to bad sex? Quite possibly.

“Nothing kills the mood quite like being negative about the way you look,” HuffPost Live host Caitlyn Becker said during a Sept. 11 segment on how body image affects women’s sex lives.

Sarah Jenks, founder of life coaching and weight loss organization Live More Weigh Less, explained that many women’s body concerns get in the way of their pleasure in the bedroom. “A lot of us believe that if we lose 20 pounds, that’s when we’ll finally feel sexy,” she said. But of course, feeling sexy has much more to do with your state of mind than your weight.

Emotional eating expert Isabel Foxen Duke recommended that women whose self-esteem affects their sex lives ask themselves: “Is this about an underlying self-doubt that has nothing to do with my weight?”   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: I Was Asking My Wife for a Vow of Celibacy

By Pete Beisner / The Good Men Project

Author’s lack of a sex drive almost cost him his marriage, but he couldn’t let his wife go without doing everything he could to win her back.
My wife and I are in a sexual time-out. That is my polite way of saying that right now I would rather do the dishes than make love to her. This isn’t about my wife, as much as she sometimes wants to make it about her so that she can fix it. The most beautiful woman in the world could show up right now ready to fulfill my wildest sexual fantasy, and I would say, “Eh, there is some leftover pasta in the fridge. I am going to heat some up. Want some?”

Why am I telling you this? I believe that our ideas about marriage are distorted by how little we hear about the true inner workings of functioning marriages.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Marriage Is For Liars

By Dr. Kelly Flanagan

We stand together on the marriage altar, and we begin the most important relationship of our lives with a terrible lie. We say, “For better or worse.” But we don’t really mean it.

If we were to be honest with ourselves, if we were to begin the marriage authentically, most of us would say, “I have a bunch of needs which have never been satisfied in my relationships. Today, in front of our friends and family, I’m publicly gambling that you will be the person to finally meet those needs. If you do, I will be happy, and I will try to make you happy. If you don’t, well, God help us…”

Not so long ago, as my wife was ambushing me with her brilliance and her beauty and our kids were still beyond imagining, I was a young, eager, graduate student and researcher at Penn State University. And I was determined to unearth the secrets to marital bliss. More than one hundred couples participated in my dissertation research, and I watched hundreds of hours of videotaped arguments between spouses who had been married for less than a year.

And I was shocked by what I observed.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: A Brief History of Sex Dolls

It’s difficult to imagine anything other than a crusty, inflatable, creepy-looking … thing when picturing a sex doll in the mind’s eye. A likeness to the figure in Edvard Munch’s The Scream, though slightly more unsettling if that’s even possible.

But sex dolls actually have quite an interesting history, reaching back as far as 8 A.D. with the myth that Pygmalion obsessed over a woman he sculpted from ivory so much so that Aphrodite eventually made her real. In the 1940s, Adolf Hitler and Heinrich Himmler devised the “Borghild Project,” which involved the production and shipment of sex dolls to German soldiers in an effort to lure them away from diseased French prostitutes.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Porn Sex vs. Real Sex – the Differences Explained With Food

By Emilie Astolat

I don’t mind the fact that my hubby watches porn, partly, I guess, because it’s inversely related to how often we have sex. Just because I’m not in the mood doesn’t mean that he has to remain sexually abstinent. Plus, I watch it, too, when the mood strikes.

What does bother me, however, is the often unrealistic portrayal of sex that pornography perpetuates for men and women. Being a woman, I can only speak for my gender and, while porn can be fun, it definitely has the potential to take its toll on the self esteem. I mean, there are just some so-called standards I just can’t live up to.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: New Pornographers Claim Their Work Is Ethical, Feminist and ‘Sex-Positive,’ But Will It Sell?

By David Rosen / Alternet

The 8th annual Feminist Porn Awards, held in Toronto, April 4 to 6, were organized by Good for Her, a Toronto-based, women-orientated, sex paraphernalia store. Some 110 programs were submitted for such categories as Golden Beaver (Canadian content) and Smutty Schoolteacher (sex-ed).

When Carlyle Jansen started Good For Her in 1997, there were a very limited number of porn videos that appealed to her customers. “There was a narrow selection of videos, in particular those highlighting people of color, gays and lesbians, transsexuals and women with a variety of body types and desires,” she recalls.

The Feminist Porn Awards (FPA) grew out of discussions among the company’s employees to host an event that would acknowledge and celebrate diverse ways to sexually represent people, particularly women. Jansen noted that her customers wanted porn they could identify with. “They wanted movies, high-quality productions,” she said, “that did not feel degrading, were not misogynistic and turned them on rather than off.”   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Could Porn Be Censored in America?

By David Rosen / Alternet

On July 22, British Prime Minster David Cameron announced a plan by which, at year-end 2014, all UK Internet users would be required to formally register—“opt-in”—for access to porn sites on the web. Those who fail would be blocked from viewing such sites. His first step is to have Internet users install special programming filters to block access to such sites. Further, public venues like libraries, offices and cafes and nonregistered (read underage) users will be blocked from accessing porn sites.

“By the end of this year, when someone sets up a new broadband account the settings to install family-friendly filters will be automatically selected,” London’s Daily Mail reported Cameron announcing. “If you just click ‘next’ or ‘enter’, then the filters are automatically on. … Once those filters are installed, it should not be the case that technically literate children can just flick the filters off at the click of a mouse without anyone knowing.” (In the UK, like the U.S., most schools, libraries and businesses employ filters to block porn and other undesired content.)   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Sex Work in America

By David Rosen / Alternet

Three centuries before Las Vegas was founded, New York was known as sin city. It was home to drinking, gambling, and most especially, illicit sexual pleasures. One of New Amsterdam’s first sex workers was Grietje “Little Pearl” Reynies, a lively bawd or “doxie.” Taunted by seamen on a departing sloop with the cry, “Whore! Whore! Two pound butter’s whore!” she allegedly lifted her petticoat and pointed to her naked backside, replying, “Blaes my daer achterin.”

Daily media reports often headline tantalizing stories of the NYPD arresting streetwalkers, breaking up a prostitution ring, and closing storefront sexual massage parlors. “Sin” still sells. However, between 2008 and 2012, the state Division of Criminal Justice Services reports the NYPD arrested only 5,834 people for patronizing prostitutes. On average, that’s only 1,167 arrests per year, 22 or so a week – and that’s in a city with 8 million-plus adult residents and visitors (e.g., businesspeople and tourists) prowling the city streets every day.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Should You Give Your Partner Your Passwords?

By Marjorie McAtee / Don’t Call Me Marge

Some time ago now, I was watching the Today Show one morning, because I am a glutton for punishment, and some blowhard came on and started lecturing us about how, in a good relationship, we should share our email, social media, cell phone and presumably online banking passwords with our partner because, “If you’re trustworthy, you have nothing to hide.”

Right, that’s what the NSA said. How about, if I’m so trustworthy, then you trust me.

A few minutes later, the same guy told America that we no longer need to wear socks with our closed-toed dress shoes, so that just goes to show you how well-thought-out his opinions are.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Supreme Court Reluctantly But Historically Elevates Same-Sex Marriage

By Steven Rosenfeld / AlterNet

The Court’s narrow rulings are a big victory for LGBT rights.

The U.S. Supreme Court opened the legal door to same-sex marriage Wednesday, issuing two rulings that did not confer broad new civil rights but established that same-sex marriage must be treated equally under federal law in the 13 states that allow it. 

“The crowds are overwhelmingly ecstatic about this experience,” said Tom Goldstein, publisher of SCOTUSblog.com, describing the scene at the Courthouse. “The bottom line from the court seems to be straightforward. It was not going to announce fundamental rights for same-sex marriage, but it will uphold the rights of people who have been married… sometimes you have to listen to the music, not the individual notes.”

The Court’s majority sent the message that same-sex marriages and individuals deserve equal treatment. In the first case, it threw out a key part of the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), saying it was unconstitutional on equal protection grounds for the law to say that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. But it did not declare a constitutional right to same-sex marriage.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: What I Won’t Do For My Husband

By Nadira Hira / The Good Men Project

Nadira Hira’s manifesto on marriage.

I won’t change my name. I’ve spent the last three decades making the one I have mean something. And I’d like to keep it up, thanks. Which is, I hope, a major part of why he’ll love me always.

I won’t accept a ring. I will gush over my friends’ rings, of course. I will keep my views on the fraught history and general scourginess of diamonds and engagement rings to myself, mostly. But till he too is sporting a symbol of ownership on his strong and manly hand, I won’t be wearing a bloody thing on my finger.

I won’t stop celebrating men—him, and all the others. This will be a service to our children, and given my taste—Brad, Idris, Sandman—a testament to his quality.   [Read more…]

Sex In San Diego: The Drought is Affecting More than the Water Table

By Judi Curry

The well has run dry! There is nothing to be had anywhere. Life is a sad, lonely spiral, as the tap only trickles its remaining rust and dirt from the spigot. What the hell is she talking about, you ask? On line dating, of course!

I’ve tapped into Zoosk. I turned the spigot off on eHarmony. I cleaned out the faucet on Mingle. I prayed for a good catch at JD. I fished at Plenty of Fish. I didn’t care if I was overweight at Big and Beautiful People Meet. I didn’t lie about my age at Senior People Meet. It wasn’t my time at OurTime.com. There were no rich men at RichMen.com. There were no matches at Match.com and several other sites that I don’t remember for I was with them a very short time.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: A Daddy’s Letter to His Little Girl (About Her Future Husband)

By Dr. Kelly Flanagan / UnTangled

Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.   [Read more…]

Daughter of an Arranged Marriage

By Monica Luhar / Alhambra Source

At the age of 19, my mother fastened a red bindi in the middle of her forehead, wrapped herself in a silk sari, and walked seven times around a sacred fire in Karamsad, India with a 26-year-old man she hardly knew.

At 19, I was a single Indian American college sophomore who certainly did not have any plans to have an arranged marriage like my parents. And a relationship was not really an option, because my parents did not allow me to date. For years, they had one strict rule: I was to focus on school until I graduated from college. Meanwhile, most of my friends were in committed relationships and some were even engaged to their high school sweethearts. I resented the rule, and felt that they were limiting me from dating because they did not have any experience themselves.

Arranged marriages have been a common practice in India — and many other cultures — for centuries, but my parents never pressured me into one. The summer after I received my college degree, my mother casually told me I was allowed to date.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Why Emergency Contraceptive Terrifies Christian Conservatives

By Valerie Taric / Alternet

You know the 11-year-old down the street who is dividing her after-school time between the park where she gets laid and the drug store where she buys her douches? Yeah, neither do I.

But apparently a number of right-wing commentators live in a different world than we do, because in their world that girl is the reason all of us should have to show ID to get emergency contraception.

In their world, if we can get EC without showing our names and birth dates, so can she. Apparently, this girl’s fear of pregnancy is the only thing keeping her and her peers from even nastier sex lives. Think tweens gone wild. As columnist Kathleen Parker put it, “As long as there’s an exit, whether abortion or Plan B, what’s the incentive to await mere maturity?”   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Marriage Is For Losers

By Dr. Kelly Flanagan / UnTangled

You can be right, or you can be married; take your pick. I can’t remember who told me that, but I do remember that they were only half-joking. The other half, the serious half, is exceedingly important. This is why.

Many therapists aren’t crazy about doing marital therapy. It’s complicated and messy, and it often feels out of control. In the worst case scenario, the therapist has front row seats to a regularly-scheduled prize fight. But I love to do marital therapy. Why? Maybe I enjoy the work because I keep one simple principle in mind: if marriage is going to work, it needs to become a contest to see which spouse is going to lose the most, and it needs to be a race that goes down to the wire.

When it comes to winning and losing, I think there are three kinds of marriages.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Pentagon Study Finds 26,000 Military Sexual Assaults Last Year, Over 70 Sex Crimes Per Day

Editor: The following is a transcript of Amy Goodman’s program on Democracy Now from yesterday, May 8, that aired highlights from Tuesday’s Senate Armed Services Committee hearing on military sexual assaults . We also include the video – see below.

Democracy Now!

Anu Bhagwati, executive director and co-founder of Service Women’s Action Network, says this about the Pentagon report:

“The numbers are outrageous, and I think we’ve reached a tipping point. The American public is furious.”

NERMEEN SHAIKH: A shocking new report by the Pentagon has found that 70 sexual assaults may be taking place within the U.S. military every day. The report estimated there were 26,000 sex crimes committed in 2012, a jump of 37 percent since 2010. Most of the incidents were never reported.

The Pentagon study was published just two days after the head of the Air Force Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office was arrested for sexual assault for allegedly groping a woman in a Virginia parking lot on Sunday. The Air Force has removed Lieutenant Colonel Jeffrey Krusinski from his post.

At a Senate hearing on Tuesday, Democratic Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York questioned Air Force Secretary Michael Donley about sexual assault in the military.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: Getting Older, Getting Better

By Charlie Glickman, PhD / Charlie Glickman

Today is the 20th anniversary of the date that I met my partner. In the last two decades, we’ve both changed a lot. We’re both much more secure and solid in who we are. We’ve grown and challenged each other to overcome many of the habits that caused friction in our lives and in our connections with other people. We’ve learned many, many ways to support our relationship. And yes, our bodies have changed, too. While I’d love to have the physical resilience that I used to have, I wouldn’t trade my current life for the one I had back then. I needed that ability to bounce back- without it, I never would have survived the drama I caused myself and others.

After all of this time with my partner, I think she’s more beautiful than ever before and I’m more drawn to her than I could have imagined when we first met.   [Read more…]

Sex in San Diego: What Terrorizes Americans Most — Guns or Sexual Freedom?

America treats sex, not violence, as the biggest threat to families and the nation.

By Lara Riscol / Alternet

“Just know that you are loved. And show your love. Every day, okay? That’s what matters,” I said as I hugged my 10-year-old son goodbye at his robotics camp not too far from Aurora.

We had just talked about the cowardly gunman in gas mask and body armor mowing down mostly young people at The Dark Knight Rises midnight premiere, killing 12 and wounding 58, some badly. We talked about America’s glorification of violence and sacrosanct gun culture, making mention of gun control taboo no matter the carnage from a formerly banned assault rifle firing a 100-round drum magazine.

I’d rather talk about sex.   [Read more…]