(Photo: Kerry Randolph/Flickr/CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0)

By Ernie McCray

Overcoming Gloom In a Grand Canyon State of Mind

The other day
I sat in my living room
caught up in thoughts of my daughter,
feeling a kind of gloom
that seemed to loom
over me
like a petrifyingly dark full moon
in a horror movie
that levitates over a chillingly mysterious tomb –
and I sought to overcome
this melancholy
as it was such a nice
sunny breezy afternoon
and I somehow
got beyond it a bit,
the ponderous aspects
of it,
by letting my thoughts
wander here and there,
anywhere other than
the dark shadows of my
living room
and soon
my thoughts reflected
the beauty of the afternoon,
wafting off to my home,
Arizona, where I was born,
where my daughter was born,
and, in such a state of mind,
I walked paths
I had once trod
in the Grand Canyon,
paths that soon
freed me of my gloom,
paths that whitened
and brightened
the moon in that gloom,
and allowed it
to shed light in
the darkness
of the frightening wilderness,
that is my fragile soul.
And I imagined
as I made my way
along trails
in such an awe-inspiring place,
how magnificent it would be
if we human beings could be
just as wonderful,
just as deep thinking
as the canyon is in its depths,
as open minded
as it is at its broadest,
just as strong in our resolve
to love and appreciate each other
as are the currents of the Colorado River
that rush through the canyon after
the monsoon season amps its rapids,
just as beautiful in our interactions
with each other
as the canyon’s sights:
its wildflowers, in all its colors,
its cacti on the inner canyon floors,
its ponderosa pines at its heights,
its star-filled night skies,
its springs and waterfalls,
its beaches and side canyons
carved by eons of erosions,
its majesty seen from outer space.
And I asked of the universe
what if we could rise above our
penchant for wars
and our prejudices and suspicions
of each other
like the bald and golden eagles
soar above the canyon’s
violent thunderstorms
and be sure of each other’s goodwill
towards each other
with the confidence of the big horn sheep
who scramble up the canyon’s steep slopes
at high speed
and walk and play
at the edge of its cliffs…
Oh, my mind, that day,
overflowed with “ifs” and “what ifs” –
but, in my Grand Canyon State of Mind,
I overcame the gloom
that weighed on me
in my living room
and promised my daughter,
as she rests in peace,
that I will forever pursue
the better world
that she and I
wished for.

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Ernie McCray

I was raised in a loving and alive home, in a black neighborhood filled with colorful characters in Tucson, Arizona. Such an environment gave me a hint that life has to be grabbed by the tail as tight as a pimple on a mosquito's butt. With no BS and a whole lot of love. So, from those days to now I get up every morning set on making the world a better place. On my good foot*, and I hope my writing reflects that. *an old black expression

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