They want their pork back…   House Republicans, frustrated with their own inability to come up with majorities in a chamber where they supposedly rule the roost, have come with a game plan to get things moving.  Speaker John Boehner, according to Reuters, has convened a secret group to figure out how to undo the earmark ban after the next election. Party leaders have determined that the earmark ban has “has affected discipline” within the party. So, it was nice while it lasted….

(Editordude: btw, Boehner will be in town later this week at a private fundraiser in Pacific Beach and some Dems and friends are coming out to welcome him and his pal, Brian Bilbray. It’s Thursday, April 5 and starts before 5pm at 1025 Pacific Beach Drive.)

University of California students are now given Etch-A-Sketches instead of American history courses, all donated by the Mitt Romney campaign.

Santorum attacks California colleges… Unable to find any communist college professors hiding under rocks in Wisconsin, Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has focused his laser-like truthiness on California’s UC system, since it’s all the rage to demonize the left coast these days in right wing circles. So here’s what he’s saying:

“I was just reading something last night from the state of California. And that the California universities – I think it’s seven or eight of the California system of universities don’t even teach an American history course. It’s not even available to be taught.”

Both the UC and State systems require history courses in order to graduate.

Why the South ain’t gonna rise again anytime soon… A forthcoming book by reporters Mike Allen and Evan Thomas to be called “Inside the Circus” is making the claim that Texas Governor Rick Perry’s “oops” moments in the campaign were the result of prescription painkillers.  Perry has a history of back problems and has admitted that his back issues had caused him problems at the Republican debates. In an added example, a rival campaign’s manager reportedly walked in on Perry while he was urinating… and singing “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” at the top of his lungs…

Pistol packin’ protestors?…This year’s GOP Convention will be held in Tampa, Florida.  So while it will be illegal for demonstrators to carry water pistols, masks, plastic or metal pipe and string more than six inches long, firearms will be perfectly legal.  That’s because state law bans local governments from placing any restrictions on the carrying of guns in public spaces.  Federal officials will still be able to ban firearms within limited “security zone” near the convention….

Ru Paul ain’t Ron Paul, y’all understand?… The grand opening of the Appomattox, Virginia branch of the Museum of Confederate History had a close call with a mixed metaphor this past weekend.  Fortunately a local spotted a poster of infamous drag queen Ru Paul wrapped in a confederate flag dress on the premises and had it removed before any young southern minds were tainted.

Is Colorado in the South?… A man in Grand Junction, Colorado has been placed on probation after shooting a woman in the head. Derrill Rockwell, 49, was ordered to pay $10,000 in restitution and put on five years probation. He told the court that he thought the woman was a red bird, but in reality she just had a red mohawk. The woman, who did survive, “may have been passed out from intoxication prior to being shot”. A bag of suspected meth was found near her. If all this had happened in Florida, he’d have been given a parade instead of a court date.

How are they going to do it?…. An interesting article in Salon explores the mechanics and logic behind Occupy’s planning for a nationwide general strike on May 1^st.

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Doug Porter

Doug Porter was active in the early days of the alternative press in San Diego, contributing to the OB Liberator, the print version of the OB Rag, the San Diego Door, and the San Diego Street Journal. He went on to have a 35-year career in the Hospitality business and decided to go back into raising hell when he retired. He won numerous awards for his columns from the Society of Professional Journalists in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017. Doug is a cancer survivor (sans vocal chords) and lives in North Park.

Latest posts by Doug Porter (see all)

• Last Call. Last Column. - December 14, 2018
• Which Presidential Candidate Will You Support in 2020? - December 13, 2018
• Mounting the Assault on Big Gay and Other Drivel From SDSU’s Minimum Wage Scrooge - December 12, 2018