By A feleségül

Trying to find a job in San Diego is difficult during these rough economic times. I have been scouring the newspaper for months trying to find something that I am qualified to do without compromising my goals and objectives.

I have applied for professional jobs, selling jobs, clerical jobs, etc., with no luck at all.  There was an opening for a clerk in a Pt. Loma drug store a few months back and the owner told me he had 90 applicants for the one job – some had degrees far greater than mine.

Last week, I applied for a job that might be the solution to my dilemma. I applied to be a Sex Talk Operator.  You know – where guys – girls, too, I guess, call the sex line and become titillated by the female on the other end of the phone. I could do that, I think.

If I were a different kind of person I could enjoy turning men on, and then hanging up on them. But the Human Relations expert (?) I talked to warned me that I could not hang up on the caller – the cost is excessive – and billed to their credit card by the minute! I would be paid a small stipend, and the longer I talked to the caller the more commission I would make. (I guess I don’t want a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am situation.”)

I asked her what sorts of things to say, and the list wasn’t short. She told me anything that might turn a man’s fantasy call into fruition. Fruition?!  She said it was always good to tell the man what turned me on and then ask him how he would do it, and suggested I discuss the variety of positions I preferred. Did I like oral sex? Did I like to give oral sex? Did I like anal sex? I should ask him how big (small) he is and what he preferred in the bedroom? Or…did he prefer doing the “nasty” in a room other than a bedroom.  What was his biggest turn-on? What kind of aids did he like to use or have used on him? How many times a night did he want to have sex? Did he like it slow and easy, or fast and brutal? What kind of foreplay did he want before doing the act?

I asked her if there was a script to follow, but she told me since each man is different I would have to “wing” it while talking to the caller. I asked her how I would know if I was successful, and she told me – this makes me blush in several shades of red – it would depend on how many times the man “came” while we were talking.

She then asked me if I was interested in going through a trial run with one of their employees to see if I was right for the job.  I have to tell you, dear reader, that I gave serious thought to it. How hard (pun intended) could it be to talk on the phone from your own home to a perfect stranger that wants to screw you?

I don’t think I could just turn away and say, “. . . Well, it’s just a job and someone has to do it.” What would happen to my own psyche? Would I be turned on, too?  Would I think it was a joke and have to stop myself from laughing, or would I be so totally into the fantasy I would need to call the male sex line for relief?  The pay wasn’t shabby, but what if I didn’t get any calls that lasted longer than a few minutes?  Maybe it takes longer to talk through a climax than to actually have one.  Interesting thought.

The HR lady told me there was nothing wrong with having phone sex. Perhaps the caller was afraid of women and was too shy to find a real partner. Perhaps his significant other didn’t like sex and this was a way out for him. She tried to convince me that I was really performing a service for men that were too busy to find a woman.

“After all,” she said, “so many women are just receptacles for men, and this eliminates the bad feelings that women frequently feel.”

I thanked the woman for her thoughts and advice. I told her I would have to rethink my feelings and would get back to her in a week or so.

Which way am I leaning? How badly do I want the money? Will I get something out of this too – besides the money? Could it actually be fun?

What do you think? Would you use such a service – male or female? What would be the upside – or downside – of the service?  Hmmm.  I’ll let you know.