Buddy in the pool in better times
By Judi Curry
As a mother, an Office Manager, and a School Principal I have been called on to make some difficult decisions. But no decision has been more difficult that the one I had to make this morning. The heartache and grief supersedes anything I have ever had to do.
I have had the most wonderful companion for over 10 years. He was born on my birthday many years after I came into this world. He was always so happy to see me; he always had a smile on his face; he never questioned decisions I made; never argued with me, and made me feel better after having a difficult day. That is why this decision is so hard to make. Of course I am talking about my Golden Retriever.
I’ll never forget the first day we met him at the Golden Retriever rescue in Temecula. We had just lost “Pal” – 4 days earlier, and we said we would never have another dog. Well, that didn’t last long, because when we looked up the rescue adoptions on line, there was a beautiful female dog – “Ginger” that practically called out to us.
When we went to see her – mind you, we were only looking because we would NEVER have another dog – the foster parents told us that she was a “nipper”, and with young grandchildren we would be better off with her companion, “Cody Bear.” We looked at “Cody Bear” and knew we couldn’t go home without him. We knew immediately we would have to change his name – they tell you to change the dog’s name anyway – because we had a grandson named “Cody” and we didn’t want any conflict. Bob wanted a name similar to “Pal” – and so “Buddy” was “born”.
Over the years he became Bob’s dog. I once said to Bob that if I ever got my own dog I would want him to “shadow” me the way Buddy shadowed him. (Hence, my new dog is named “Shadow.”) Buddy went everywhere with Bob. If Bob went fishing, Buddy was on the boat; he waited patiently in the car while Bob ran errands during the day.
You could always find them together. They swam in the pool together almost every day until Bob got too ill to swim. And then Bob died. And Buddy mourned as much as I did. I once took him to the Ocean Beach Dog Wash and another patron told me she had never seen a dog that looked as sad as he did.
Buddy would frequently go into the pool and just sit on the step – like he was waiting for Bob to come in and join him. When he became frustrated he would get in the pool. (Bob has been gone almost five years and a few months ago I opened a box of Bob’s that had some of his fishing clothes in them. I thought that Buddy would have a heart attack because he became so excited.)
During the past few years, however, he has turned his allegiance over to me, and he began to follow me as he did Bob. I noticed a year or so ago that every now and then he would slip as we were taking our daily walk. I cut the distance from 1-2 miles to ½ a mile. And gradually I noticed that even that distance was difficult for him.
I took him to the vet where he had x-rays that showed some deterioration of his spine, and was given pain meds to help him if it got worse. Since I was undergoing acupuncture treatment for a broken shoulder, I asked my acupuncturist what she thought about the same treatment for Buddy. She happened to know an acupuncturist that specialized in canines, and she gave me his number.
I met with Justin several times and Buddy seemed to be improving slightly – was it true or only my wish? – and when Justin was offered a full-time vet job, he told me about his friend John that was “better than I am” as an acupuncturist so Buddy continued his twice a week acupuncture with John and between that and the physical therapy he was undergoing with Trish Penick twice a week he seemed to improve.
And then – last week – he couldn’t stand. When he did he moved like a drunken man. He swayed all over the place; couldn’t keep his balance; and then, finally, could not get up at all. And at the same time he became incontinent. But he still had a smile on his face; he still was happy to see me come into the same room that he was in, but I noticed a very tale-telling problem. He could no longer wag his tail. You could see it start to move, but it just could no longer wag.
I called John who came out right away to check him over. He gave him a treatment, and while he was here Buddy was his old self. But only a few hours after John left, Buddy was lethargic; could no longer stand, and just laid down and slept, and slept, and slept.
I used to be able to get Buddy to do just about everything by giving him treats. Yesterday he didn’t want those treats. I will say, however, that I had lunch at “Raglan” and ordered two plain patties for him, which he gulped down like he had never eaten before. But again, he could not stand up; and continued to lay in his urine and/or feces until I noticed and cleaned him up and moved him.
Last night he was so very uncomfortable. I could hear him try to move, and upon turning on the light, found that he only moved a fraction of what he was trying to do. It was time.
The agony of the decision kept me awake from 2:00am to 6:00am when it was time to get up anyway. I texted John and told him it was time. No one, animal or human, should have to live under these circumstances. I was being selfish in keeping him alive. It was for me, not for him that he was suffering.
So tonight at 7:00pm both Justin and John will be with me when I say goodbye to my love for the past 10 years. I can only hope that he finds Bob, Pal, Shalom and Lolly, and they will all be together awaiting my arrival. Perhaps the Poem “Rainbow Bridge” that my friend Jenni sent me when Pal died will help make the trek a little easier.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….
Author unknown…
Thank you Buddy for a wonderful ten years. Please forgive me for keeping you just a little too long. I will miss you, your smile, your complete trust. Until we meet again. RIP
Judi Curry
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Judi– the Freepers and Ragsters are grateful for all those years that Buddy greeted us when you hosted meetings and celebrations at your home. He has been a part of our community too. We will miss him. Anna
Thanks Anna. He was so social. Loved people; tolerated other dogs; hated cats. Such a strange thing happened last night after he was gone. Shadow, my new dog, has slept on my bed ever since I got him 3 weeks ago. He is a cuddler – liked to sleep right next to me. Last night he refused to get on the bed; slept on Buddy’s blanket, with Buddy’s toy in his mouth. Buddy only had one toy he liked – and Shadow always tried to get it away from him. It was so bizarre.
And one more thing – after Buddy had passed, but was still laying there, we let Shadow out of the house to view Buddy. (Lee Wells, my dog trainer for many years said it was important for Shadow to know that Buddy was gone. She said that if he knows Buddy is gone he will not mourn; he will not go looking for him) So…we let him out of the house and he went to Buddy. Buddy’s toy was close by, and Shadow kicked it over to him. His final farewell to a “brother” he only knew for 3 weeks.
Judi,
I am very sorry for your loss–it is often more difficult to say goodbye to pets than it is our human loved ones. We have a 14 year-old miniature poodle that is like a child to my wife. I dread the day Chanel goes; my wife and I will miss her terribly. On the positive side, however, we are better humans for having been privileged to have had a pet who gave us unconditional love and companionship. Remember the good times, and the joy Buddy brought into your life.
Jim, sometimes you amaze me. Thanks for the beautiful words. They help get through this time.
Judi, I’m so sad for you. Another painful experience to remind us all to treasure intensely any little morsel of happiness, friendship and love on our life path while we can.
You are so right, Susan. One more loss. I only hope that Buddy is romping with Bob right now; making up for the 5 years that they were apart.
Judi, I have often thought that many pets are better animals than many human animals. A good dog has so many good qualities that it’s refreshing to know that such beings inhabit this same earth with us. I’m glad you have another dog to comfort you in your mourning.
You are so right, John. He asked for nothing, yet game me his all. Shadow’s reaction is truly amazing. If I were going to continue work on my Ph.D I might do research on dogs reactions to their “friends” demise. He never let me down – unlike the human animals you talk about.
Dearest Judi:
My heart filled with great sadness, but also with great joy, as I read your article about Buddy. As the tears ran down my cheeks, I recalled the precious time I spent with you and Buddy three years ago whilst I was in San Diego. I was touched by Buddy’s gentle loving spirit and the kindness and caring in his eyes. He, as you have, touched my life, forever. Smiles and hugs!
Most lovingly,
Jenni
Just to clarify … my great joy is … I was able to meet and spend a few precious hours with Buddy!
… Jenni
I was there a year ago, Judi, with Lil Bear. They are so much a part of our lives and I know their parting leave great big holes in our hearts. But they are no longer in pain. And if what I believe is true, they are waiting for us. They will great us with tail wags and dog kisses…
Thanks, Jack. All of the comments, including yours, have made the day a little easier. I have an image of Bob on the fishing boat with Buddy, Pal, Shalom, Lobo and Lolly as his deck hands. I hope that you are getting over your grief about losing Lil Bear.
For all of us who got to know him, Buddy will be with us.
Interesting thing, Frank. I had 203 students while Buddy was with us. Every one that I hear from always asks about him. He made a difference in so many lives. People say, “he was JUST a dog”; that may be, but a very special one that loved people and was loved in return.
My condolences Judi. I always dreaded “playing God” in these circumstances and making decisions like this. I just can’t put myself through it anymore and have decided no more dogs for me after the last two went within a couple of years of each other. The grief is so deep. I feel you. How lucky Buddy was to have you and vice versa.
Thank you for sharing your story. Brought back so many memories of family pets over the years.
Each time I’ve been thru this, I remind myself: It is a generous and selfless act to help our pets pass on to the next step. They’ve given so much to us, it’s the least we can do for them when they tell us it’s time to go. And hopefully they pass on with friends and familiar smells around, even tho the process is excruciating for us.
As you note: they know when it’s time. We just need to be brave enough, and compassionate enough, to listen and accept their judgement- even if we aren’t ready.
Condolences as you mourn your friend.
Thank you for understanding the trauma that I went through in making my decision, Lori. I never have had do to something so heart wrenching as putting Buddy down. Fortunately my two vets – John and Justin knew Buddy well – both had performed acupuncture on him, and they were my “conscience” in making the decision.
I am finding that Shadow is very subdued today also. For a Golden Retriever/Kangaroo mix, it is a surprise! And nice, too. (Except he tripped me and I just spent an hour at Urgent Care making sure that I didn’t break a rib.)
My heart goes out to you, Judi, and I am sending a big hug. Buddy was lucky to be so well loved.
Thank you Shelly. I see him, hear his collar, often times today. I was lucky to have him.
Dear Judy:
It is so difficult for many of us to deal with the loss of our fur friends. If you are like me, they become part of the family, and the grief can be just as hard as losing a family member. As a psychologist, I presented the the American Psychological Association’s annual conference, ways in which therapists could help people with the loss of a companion animal. I was invited to write a self-help book, which I would gladly send you if you would like it. The book is entitled “Saying Good-bye to the Pet You Love.” Lorri Greene, Ph.D. (2002) New Harbinger:Oakland. I hope you, or others, don’t take my comment as a piece of self promotion, as it is not intended to be that way. My heart goes out to you, and everyone who has ever loved, and lost, a companion animal. Unfortunately, I will be leaving the country tomorrow, for a month, so if you wanted the book before then, Amazon carries it. I would be happy to send you one, no charge, if you wanted, when I return. There is so much more understanding of the benefits of the Human/Animal Connection than there ever was in the past. People are beginning to recognize the importance of our relationships with animals, and there is more and more “real” evidence that they make a HUGE difference in our lives. If someone says “it was just a dog” I would already know they had never experienced the love you did with Buddy. My sincere condolences. Take good care of yourself and remember grief is a process, so it may take a while for it to subside. Cherish the memories, and if you feel like it, have a memorial for your beloved pet. If you think about it, funerals are for those of us left behind, and it is no different with our fur friends. These memorials can help us with the first phase of the grief process, which is often disbelief or shock. Take good care of yourself, and please know that that there are so many human beings that feel the love of a companion animal. You are not alone in this. With love, Lorri Greene, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Cardiff-by-the-Sea. Email: lgreene98@aol.com.
Hi Again Judi- I am so sorry I spelled your name incorrectly on my above post. Trying to pack and type is not working too well. I did want to offer one other resource to you, and anyone who has loved and lost a companion animal. It is a website called: www:aplb.org. It stands for Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement, and it has many resources, including the poem “The Rainbow Bridge” you referred to. It also has a “In memoriam” section, where, if you would like, you can post a picture and a few words about Buddy. My cat, Tara Greene, is in that section, and I can always look at her and many years later, smile. Take care. Lorri
Dear Lorri, thank you for your lovely, informative note. As a matter of fact, I have your book. It was given to me a year or so ago by a friend that had just lost her cat. I had forgotten I had it, but will take it off the shelf and reread it. I talked about having a birthday party for Buddy last February, but didn’t pull it off. Your idea of having a memorial for him is a great idea and I will work on it this next week.
I have put the website in my “favorites”. and will be checking it out later in the day.
Be safe on your trip. Perhaps we can get together upon your return.
By the Way – Judi and Judy are pronounced the same – I’ll just pretend we had an oral conversation and not pay any attention to the spelling.
How kind you are Judi. Happy you already have the book, and really hope it helps a bit.I would love to get together when I return, which will be the first of June. My husband and I are taking a trip to Italy and leaving our 3 precious fur friends, all cats, named T-Rex, Kali and Jet. Fortunately I have a wonderful friend that will stay at our home, and the cats adore her. I think she spoils them, but what are they for but to spoil and love? Perhaps you can email me with your number, or go to my FB page: Lorri Greene and message me. When I return, let’s definitely get together. Hang in there. I partially wrote the book because I was asked to write it, but I really wrote it for myself, as my dear fur friend, Tara, died right before I presented at the APA conference. She was my rock during a very difficult time in my life, so it was written from the heart. Take care of yourself and hang in there. it does get a bit easier. Lorri
Thank you for sharing Buddy’s story, and I’m so sorry for your loss. You were wonderful to him, and I know he had the happiest life a dog could have with you. Both of you are in my thoughts. Lots of love.
Thanks, Annie. He was a wonderful companion. And…he knew how to get where he was going on the first try!
Awww, man…this made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss.
When my Dad lay dying, he kept taking his hands out from under the covers and plucking at the air. When I spoke to someone from the hospital chapel, she said that some people believe that those movements were communication from the Otherside. I watched him and saw him pointing, smiling, hugging people, rocking babies and petting animals. I was never sure about life after death, but after witnessing my Dad’s movements, I’m sure we meet and greet those humans and animals that we shared our life with.
I hope you are right, Sandi. I keep visualizing Buddy and Bob out in the great ocean somewhere catching that big marlin that “ran yesterday” or is going to “run today.”
Very sorry to see this but I now and understand its for the best. I remember when I was about six we had to take Reggie (our English bull) who was 11 (long for an English Bull) to the vet for the very same thing. I was too young to understand why he would be gone forever and it made me cry for a long time, but as you said it’s not right to make the animal suffer for our benefit. God Bless Buddy.
Thank you. I like to think that he is somewhere watching us and glad that Shadow is sleeping on his blanket. But the ache is so great! I know that he’s better off and your words help the healing. Thank you.
So sorry to hear about Buddy, my thoughts are with you and him tonight. The most important duty we owe the animals we love is letting them go when they tell us it’s time. It’s also the most difficult.
I only met Buddy a few times, but I could tell he was a wonderful friend to those who knew him, and I’ve always had a special place in my heart for labs and retrievers. My best wishes to you and yours.
Thanks, Dave. He was a special dog to many people.
I am so sorry for your loss. When I had to have our German Shepherd, Taura, my baby, put down, I had a vision of my husband, Bryan, and our cockapoo, George, both deceased, coming across a field to pick up Taura. They smiled and turned away, all three walking across the fields of heaven.
Peace and Love, Judy
Beautiful scenario, Judy. Can visualize it so well; can feel the breeze in my hair. Thanks for sharing.
I know. I know. Thank you.