By Ernie McCray
Image: Aziz J.Hayat (Flickr)
It’s sad that there’s such a notion as “violence against women,” but it’s heartening that, seemingly, we, as a society, are now looking into such an unsavory practice as though we want to do something about it.
A catalyst for a big part of our interest in the subject has been the National Football League (who would have ever dreamed that?) with their “No” to violence against women television PSA’s, featuring present day and ex-pro football players, motivated by that horrible tape we saw of star running back, Ray Rice, punching his wife out in an elevator, one of the nastiest sights anyone could ever see.
“No more boys will be boys,” one of the athletes says. No more “what’s the big deal” or “that’s just the way he is.” No more: “he’s such a nice guy; he had such a bright future; not my problem; I’ll say something next time; why didn’t she tell anyone; why doesn’t she just leave; I’m sure they’ll work it out; she seems fine to me; what was she wearing; she was drunk or he was drunk; she was asking for it; she never said ‘No’; not in this family; not on this team; we don’t talk about that.”
The message “TOGETHER WE CAN END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & SEXUAL ASSAULT” appears on the screen as the ad fades out with one more “No more.”
I sure hope we are up for that challenge. To honor such a mission, though, we will have to give heed to my favorite piece of advice in the ad campaign: “No more bystanders, ignorance or excuses.”
To honor such a mission, though, we will have to give heed to my favorite piece of advice in the ad campaign: “No more bystanders, ignorance or excuses.”
We can begin by just discussing it with friends and loved ones and business associates and office mates, anyone who will listen, with the idea of discovering how we can affect the way women are treated in our various communities.
But it’s critically important that we push our nation’s institutions to move forward in getting past the sexism that’s rooted in our patriarchal history wherein women are believed to be less than men, here but to serve, to entertain, to be subjected to the whims of their “masters.”
We can, for instance, support college students like those at San Diego State University where fraternity and sorority members will be required to take an hour-long online course because of recent sexual assaults on their campus at Greek events. They recognize that these steps won’t solve the issue on their own but could have a positive influence on the culture and safety at their school. They’re off to a good start, I would say. Fraternities and sororities will provide training for bystanders who witness a sexual attack. There are plans for a leadership forum to encourage discussions among Greek leaders, school officials and the larger student body. We should wish them well and check in every now and then to see how they’re doing.
It would be most wise for us to keep an eye on the likes of police departments and the judicial system and insist that they play a key role in ensuring that women are protected from abuse and that violence against them is reported and punishment is given to those who harm them.
There’s so much to be done: watching the media and insisting that they contribute to our efforts by becoming a powerful tool for change for us; encouraging boy scout leaders to be instrumental in defining for boys how to grow up to be sensitive non-violent men; charging schools with providing students relevant learning experiences that can enable them to look critically at violence of all kinds in our society; enlisting church members to see to it that their congregations don’t discriminate against women’s aspirations as human beings; and definitely ensuring that women are economically empowered as an essential prerequisite in the fight against domestic violence.
We must realize, I venture to say, that if we’re to make women feel safer we have to come to truly believe that they are worthwhile, that they matter. We have to honor their desire to simply go anywhere they want to go without worrying about how they are dressed, or fearing for their safety.
I’m referring to a reality where, someday, we will be able to say, when it comes to “No more”: “No more how it used to be.”
Ernie McCray
Latest posts by Ernie McCray (see all)
- Should Democrats, like Superman, Seek ‘Truth, Justice and the American Way’? - December 10, 2018
- Saying Goodbye to a Friend Who Gave Me a Helping Hand - November 28, 2018
- An Awakening - November 21, 2018
Until we solve the violence demonstrated to our mothers, wives, sisters, we will never be able to solve any violence. Violence against women physical or verbal is just totally non- acceptable…makes me sick In fact, maybe if we focused just on that something would change. not optimistic…it is too easy for men, why change? I call it the “overlooked” and “acceptable” violence. It is really bullying behavior.
It is just that, Ellen, bullying behavior. And I hope while we’re still alive some meaningful progress is made towards keeping women safe.
Well Ernie… This was a good piece; much needed and… when did it become acceptable to to hit women ? (and people with glasses… like me… : )
When you and I were kids growing up in Tucson we rarely heard of men striking women and certainly not the young set… Even when the girls pulled on a pair of jeans under their skirt and played football with us on the unpaved, dirt Ninth Ave behind the Green Lantern, we had a code of honor to not hurt them or touch them inappropriately, even in play….
That being said… I take issue with the premise ‘that it’s always the man’s fault’ and dress and deportment (including sobriety) should not be factors in men’s behavior…..
I am not going to accept the ‘guilt trip’ that men are wholly 100% responsible for what happens to ‘woman who behave badly’…
I did not get to take a Biology course until I went to City College and it was there I learned that we are ‘reproductive creatures’ and I learned a bit about how we got here and we continue to ‘beget’ and populate the world… as I think it says in the Bible.
Somewhere along the way growing up we learned about ‘self control’ and conformance to ‘Social norms’ and that ‘we would live happily ever after’… if we did not ‘step out of bounds’…. to use a basketball metaphor.
I guess I am just ‘old fashioned’ but when a woman dresses appropriately and acts accordingly they get my respect…
’nuff said..
Dave B.
Spring Valley
“Old fashioned” doesn’t cut it. The message is “don’t rape, don’t abuse women.” It’s that straightforward.
<3
Mr. Beekman, the mode of dress when you were growing up is not the same as today. You might try to start with respect for others, rather than thinking it needs to be earned in any way.
You’re so right in this piece, Ernie. Although, San Diego State University is certainly on the right track, there’s still so much work to be done to end the abuse of women. What’s baffling to me, is that in particularly high profile cases, how many of the families protect the abuser over the victim, all for the sake of that old mighty dollar.
There are many, many organizations in the world who have the power and the presence to end violence towards women, once and for all.
There are many, many organizations in the world who have the power and the presence to SHUT IT DOWN, ending violence towards women, once and for all.
Somewhere along the line we have lost the concept of the fact that there are consequences for our actions… Blame others… ‘It was not my fault.’ etc etc….
Along with Roe vs Wade came a whole new way of life…. (or death.. for the innocent results of casual encounters).
How many DUI’s do we need to have before loosing our license to kill ? Got a good attorney and lots of cash ? You will be driving in no time.
Congress just set free Big Banks to deal in ‘credit default swaps’ again with FDIC (our) insured funds…. What’s wrong with that picture?.. Remember the mortgage crisis ?
I’m not blamn’… Just sayn’…
Thank God for Mortality… I will not be here to see the end…
Dave b
Spring Valley
Hi Ernie:
Good Blog! But I disagree with one thing you wrote that being your comment about Mr. Rice knocking out his wife “as being one of the nastiest things anyone could ever see”. I’ve seen worse, like my step-daughters apartment after her boy friend murdered her by stabbing her 61 times! The police don’t clean up a crime scene and beyond that I won’t comment further other than to say I would NOT let else anyone in her apartment as I removed her personal possessions. I did that by myself! Mr. Rice’s wife is lucky, he just knocked her out. ANYONE, MAN OR WOMAN (yes men are also abused by women but it doesn’t get much press) WHO IS HIT OR THREATENDED OR VERBABLY ABUSED SHOULD GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AS FAST AS POSSBLE! NO EXCEPTIONS! OTHERWISE SOME OTHER FAMILY MEMBER MAY FIND THEMSELVES DOING WHAT I HAD TO DO. I WOULDN’T WISH THAT ON MY WORST EMENY! Keep up the good writing my friend, Ed.
Perhaps we need remedial re-training in ‘civility:’ Treating others as we would like to be treated….
We are treating each other as if we are part of a modern ‘sit com’ TV show….
Like the famous comedian said….
“I get no respect”..
Dave b.
Spring Valley
Good on ya Ernie, we have a bit of a dialogue going here, hopefully much more to come.