By Judi Curry / OB Rag
Before or after.
Lets “face” it. My husband has been gone over seven years and for the past six of those years I have tried to find a new companion.
I lost 100 pounds; I grew my hair long – I’ve since cut it – dyed my silver-gray hair brown – I’ve since gone back to being a blond; and put back some of the poundage I lost. And although I have met several men, none of them were “Mr. Right” – and many of them have been “Mr. Wrong”, as evidenced by the book I am writing entitled, “Liar, Liar.”
So I have tried everything that I know what to do to attract a man with no success. I even have been in a passive relationship, where I have pretended to know nothing so that HE could be the dominant one. That didn’t work either.
What must be the problem? I asked myself. And lo and behold, one day when I was looking in the mirror and saw my mother looking back at me, I had the answer. I was looking OLD! Where did all those wrinkles and lines come from? They weren’t there the last time I looked in the mirror – or were they? My goodness. You could draw a map on my face by following the lines. Help! What could I do about that?
After or before.
Just about that time I heard a commercial touting a cosmetic that would rid me of those aging wrinkles – and, guess what? It was free. All I had to do was pay the shipping cost of $4.95! I hounded the mailbox everyday until it arrived. And I began using it – daily – for 30 days. And when I looked in the mirror, I was astounded to see – my mother still looking back at me.
Well, I said to myself, maybe it was just that product that didn’t work, so I tried another, and another, and another, and my mother is still in my bathroom mirror. I have spent a fortune on trying to rid myself of my wrinkles and my mother! Some people said it “adds character.” I’m enough of a character that I do not need more characterization. Others have said that I have a beautiful complexion even with the lines. I don’t care about my complexion if I look 100 years old! My mother had plastic surgery so many times that I lost count. But I am a coward when it comes to pain and really not vain enough to go through surgery anyway. I am going to post a “before” and “after” picture. See if you can tell which is which after trying 6 different formula’s.
Some of the products used.
I even tried something that I know my physician would frown upon. I thought that losing all that weight might have been the reason for the lines and wrinkles. So I purposely put on 10 pounds to see if the lines would disappear. They didn’t. Now I have to worry about losing the extra weight and I still have the wrinkles. And now I will probably have more when I lose the extra weight.
So for my New Year’s resolution I am going to try and find a cartographer that will find my lines beautiful and challenging. I am hoping that he is between the ages of 65-76; handsome; honest; single; straight; willing to compromise when needed; likes to eat in as well as out; a good handyman; likes to garden, and is financially solvent. And, if I am lucky, have poor eyesight. Any help from you would be greatly appreciated.
Ah well, let’s FACE it, people. It ain’t gonna happen.
Happy New Year – and may all your resolutions come true.
Judi Curry
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Hi Judi. Has it ever occurred to you that the problem might not be your fault? That our society produces a lot more Mr. (and Ms.) Wrongs than it does Mr. (or Ms.) Rights? That there are a lot of physically unattractive people who are happily married and a lot of very attractive people who are not?
If you find fault with yourself, others are likely to do the same. Some common but still excellent advice is that if you don’t learn to love and live with yourself, you’re probably not ready for someone else to love and live with you.
That said, there are a lot of senior centers in San Diego–almost every neighborhood seems to have one. They’re good places for meeting people. If you only want to meet people who are financially solvent, you should probably avoid the centers in less affluent neighborhoods and those designed primarily for low-income seniors. I know of one relationship that developed over bingo games at the Coronado senior center. Many senior centers require membership, but they often allow guests to get a short-term membership and they don’t usually restrict membership to people living in that specific neighborhood. Many senior centers have websites and publish their schedules online.
Older people seeking relationships usually know better than to judge people by appearances. They want the same qualities that you seek: honesty, sincerity, social skills, the experience to function productively as part of a normal lifestyle, and the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
Those are things you can’t buy, so don’t bother wasting money on anything that is being sold as a magic bullet to make you younger, more attractive, or more successful. Your column is the only thing you need because as more and more people get to know you and your sense of humor, your chances improve exponentially. Good luck with your book–and if even that doesn’t do the trick, write another. There are a lot of lonely people who appreciate having something interesting to read. One of them may be your Mr. Right.
Thank you for the good advice. My mother was a professional pianist and people asked her why she only played the piano at children’s hospitals. Her answer was that the people in the senior centers were”too old.” She was 86 when she said that. I have tried “meet ups”; didn’t find what I was looking for there – companionship primarily – but will take your advice and just do things and hope for the best. Appearance has always been secondary for me; but have to try everything – right? (Except surgery!)
Happy New Year to you.
Be yourself- if they don’t appreciate who you are, you don’t need them. I found love in the most unusual place- a political club-he didn’t fit all my criteria other than being intelligent and kind and decent looking (damn fine qualities)- but he accepts me as I am..,even though there is an age difference. Could be my face cream? Ha ha! (I use Easamine- may not keep the wrinkles away but makes my skin feel good!)
Happy New Year! You have a good sense of humor, you’re cute and you write well! Don’t give up. Women of a certain age have gone thru tons of “wrong” dudes…someday the stories about them will be quite humorous to you- like how they matched me to a guy who wanted to be an undertaker, a conservative newsman, and an old boyfriend who held me hostage..to say the least of the guy who never went to the dentist and wanted to kiss me goodnight! I have amused many with my tales and you will too. (ps- I had to strike good handyman off my list. It’s worth it.) If you like music, try a jazz club-
Great comment Nadine. Thanks for the positive comments. So tired of scammers; tried political groups and meet ups, etc. but I’m still looking and hoping. You are one lucky lady. Happy new year!
Heck! It only took me 15 years as a singleton- you’re ahead of the curve because you know what you want now!