By Bob Dorn
Believe me, we’re all Donald Trump. It’s true. He’s like us. You can take that to the bank. I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t know it’s true, about you and about me.
Let me give you a for instance.
When I see some really — really truly, this is true — old people, and I mean they’re all hunched over and shuffling, I don’t stay on the sidewalk with ’em. I don’t. I cross the street. I don’t want to deal with them. Not at all.
I talked to Mike Pence — he’s the Vice President, you know, a really great man, a Christian, like me — about this problem… he was the Senator from Indiana and he agrees with me…
… what’s that? He wasn’t the Senator, he was the Governor… oh well, it’s the same thing.
But what he said was I was doing just the right thing, that I was serving Christ when I did that. Don’t interrupt me. You wanna know what he said about crossing the street, or not? Okay, then, listen to me…
He said I was doing the right thing by crossing the street. You know why he said that? And he’s right you know, it’s true, it’s what Jesus said… he said, “If you give a man…” and I don’t mean just a man; it goes for woman too, I’m not a sexist, you know, I love women. Anyway, “if you give a man or a woman a fish,” he said, a fish they may thank you, I swear this is true, they will thank you, but “if you teach a man,” or a woman for that matter, “how to fish they’ll have fish the rest of their lives.”
Think about that. Mike Pence, a great Christian, he told me that. See? That’s why I cross the street, just the same reason, when someone in some long dirty overcoat — who knows what he’s breathing out? Maybe some chromosomes from a bad meal or something, or a disease, who knows? — and he, or she, for that matter, is scratching and shaking and holding out his or her hand, who knows what’s the word… what’s the word?…
Yeah, pronoun that’s it, but who cares about pronouns, huh? Lazy teachers do: they’re lazy, not smart… pronouns is how they make a little cash to spend on their old Volvo’s and dumpy clothes… little people. Nobodies, really. Anyway… it’s the same thing about the homeless. You don’t want to make life easy for them — you know what I mean? — they’ll get used to it, and won’t take care of themselves, you know?
And then, the government comes in and we all hear about yadda yadda, the rights of man — and women, of course, let’s not forget them — and how we need taxes to go up to build what they call shelters — that’s the word, the best word the government has for houses, isn’t it? — for these people that we could be helping by just telling them to get a job, right?
Have you ever heard the word spoil?
That’s right, spoil. You have to be tough in this world. Anyway, we’re spoiling people. Just because their parents never went to school and come from other places that don’t have schools… believe me, there places like that… that doesn’t mean I have to pay their way… there’s only so much money, you know, that’s what the economists say, and I have the best in the world… I mean economists, you understand.
Anyway… tough love? You’ve heard of that, haven’t you? I’m full of love, see? You wanna come to my inauguration? I need some people out there in the bleachers… you’ll love it, I guarantee it. I pay well, too. I know D.C. is cold and wet in January… and then, they’ll go on and yadda yadda about climate change even if it’s 40 degrees and spitting hail they’ll talk about we’re ruining our climate… Anyway.
I’m full of love for people, and women. Women love me. I don’t really grab their pussies, not at all. Whaddaya think, grabbing pussy is what gets you somewhere with women? No. What did Ronald Reagan say — I saw Putin quote him — he said, “Look at my mouth… NO!”
What? He didn’t say that? I heard him, he said that on some fake news network… What? You mean Putin didn’t say that?
Oh… it was 43, the first Bush. Okay, that doesn’t matter. He was 43, right? That doesn’t matter, who said what. I say things all the time. It’s called free speech, okay? Just because I’m president doesn’t mean I have to keep my mouth shut… like Pence.
Okay, my point is women have rights too. I’m forming a commission.
Bob Dorn
Latest posts by Bob Dorn (see all)
- The Old Man and the City - December 5, 2018
- The Ups and The Downs | My Reporter’s Life, Part Three - October 17, 2018
- Some Big Developments | My Reporter’s Life, Part Two - October 16, 2018
