Photo Courtesy of Lori Saladana
By Lori Saldaña
We commemorate #MemorialDay
It’s not a celebration.
It’s a day for remembering those who sacrificed their lives in service to their county, in training and in combat, and a time for expressing solemn recognition and gratitude for the family and friends they left behind.
Visit their graves, offer a prayer, and honor their service.
Don’t encourage people to be “happy.” Encourage them to be thoughtful, and to remember those who have paid the ultimate price in service to others.
My father- a career US Marine- passed away in May 2015. I made him my “Veteran of the Year” in 2010- my final year as a California Assemblymember.
Last summer, as I cleaned out his belongings, I found some of his writings about his combat tour in Korea that I had never seen before. He was a troop leader- and never was I more conscious of the responsibilities he held, the losses he endured, and the impact those losses had on his life and USMC career than when I read his writings of those 12 months in Korea.
I knew my father kept his heavy down sleeping bag for decades, and we used it while camping. But I never realized it represented the difference between life and death for many Marines, who were not accustomed to the severe winter cold of the Korean peninsula, and often grew weak and sick from sleeping in the frigid night air.
I knew my family had “adopted” the Fort Rosecrans gravesite of one of his fellow Marines, Angelo de Stefano Jr., who was KIA in combat. My family visited often, decorated his grave, and sent photos of the seasonal flowers to Angelo’s parents, who lived in Long Beach. They rarely had a chance to visit their child’s final resting place.
I believe Angelo was their only son. We always included them in our bedtime prayers, said as a family- the part when we go through the long litany of names after saying “…and God bless…”< Still, when my father made Angelo Sr. my godfather, I didn’t fully understand the significance of that designation, but after reading my father’s recollections of Korea...it's becoming more clear. RIP Angelo Jr. and Senior. Thank you for your sacrifices.
Lori Saldaña
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Beautiful.
What we can learn is that since the end of WWII we seem locked in a perpetual state of war and keep sending our young boys and now women to fight people who are no threat to us. We’ve been locked in an ideological and political war for decades now. We seem to think we have the right to inflict our version of reality on the planet, especially the captain’s of industry economic version, and anyone that disagrees we have the right to kill. The people who pay the price are the ones we allegedly honor today. If we really honored them, we would stop the never ending wars with people who are not a threat and spend that money on making a better world right here at home. Then let’s spread that around the globe instead of the weapons that are just prolonging conflict and making a precious few very rich. Memorial Day is not a day for celebration. For most of us who served it is a day of guilt. We are here at home alive and well and our brothers and sisters in arms who aren’t are dead. And those of us left alive realize we were just luckier that day than they were. And it makes us feel a little guilty. Survivors guilt. That’s what Memorial Day means to me. Not a day to party at my house. I know in thousands of others it is also a sad day. So maybe Happy Memorial Day is not the right greeting at all. How about No More Wars Day? Let’s not waste our youth day. This celebrating war nonsense is just going to keep the body count growing along with the VA budget. Cut the Defense Budget Day and spend it on the poor we keep sending to war.
Thank you Lori for pointing out what should be obvious. These men and women risked their lives for our country. It doesn’t matter if I, or others, didn’t believe we should be in Vietnam, or other conflicts we have been in since WW2. I fully admit to not liking any of the men returning from Vietnam. I was 19 at the time and going to University, where protests were part of showing one’s displeasure. I, and others, did not take into account that most of the men who went to Vietnam were either poor or had a low lottery number. I use Vietnam as my example because that was during my young university years and I followed it with great interest. My cousin died in that conflict, and to this day I have yet to meet a person who knows why we were really there. That said, I feel ashamed that I scorned the men that returned. I now realize how much of their lives they gave up, even if they made it home. So for me, I don’t see this as a happy day, but a day to be contemplative and remember those who have fought, even if they didn’t who why they were fighting.
“I fully admit to not liking any of the men returning from Vietnam.”
I’m glad you’ve change your way of thinking but it’s still a bit upsetting to see someone say that. Also know that many actually volunteered but at the time they really felt they were doing the right thing.
Even nowadays I know many vets recently separating out of the service and are trying really hard to adjust. Some better than others depending on any # of factors. Many go to University using the post 911 GI bill but are having trouble getting along with their fellow students.
Chris: It may be upsetting to you, but I know many who felt the same way, and protested the same way. I remember the National Guard shooting 4 students at Kent State. I remember being clubbed, maced, pepper sprayed, arrested for peacefully protesting the “Vietnam Conflict” And, to the best of my knowledge the only men who actually enlisted as soldiers, not officers, were poor. As the song goes “I aint’t no Senators son”. Instead of being upset that someone actually said what I said, perhaps you might ask why were upset? . I was wrong. I admit it and then you are upset? Why? Were you around during Vietnam. Did you lose family and friends during that “conflict”. If not, all you have to do is watch what liberties we are losing in this day and age. I apologize to the soldiers I scorned who fought in Vietnam. I do not apologize for protesting that “conflict”. And, I’ll bet there are 1000’s’ more like me out there. Perhaps they don’t say what I just said because they don’t want to be trashed by someone. So, what I now do is pro bono work for veterans. That is how I am paying it back. How about you? What are yo doing to help our returning soldiers?
Just stating how I feel. I also stated I’m glad you changed your views. I’m sure you’re a good guy and if we were ever to meet in person we would probably get along. But no matter what it still gets me. All the atrocities we committed over there, all the abuse that’s happened to protesters here, the fact that Guardsmen murdered four unarmed students (one of which was ironically an ROTC cadet) will not change that for me, and that’s also despite the fact that I would have likely been among the protesters would I have been of age (I’m 55 now). I would venture the guess the abuse you suffered was at the hands of the police so why should that rest on the shoulders of soldiers? Also ( and I know you know this) there are plenty of stories about student protesters getting a bit overzealous so perhaps things can go both ways. Yes you were peaceful there were cases of overzealous protesters AND overzealous LE. As for the Guardsmen yes that was appalling and to this day I cannot understand how none of them were charged and got to move on with their lives. Then again, they were probably kids close to the same age
as their targets and subordinate to some lackluster disorganized leadership which resulted in what happened. I would be willing to bet that experience has haunted them for the rest of their lives.
And yes I DO know many people who were there. Some didn’t come back but most did. Among them there were varying degrees of successful or lack of successful transition back to civilian life (for those who didn’t stay in and continue their military careers). You said you didn’t know anyone other than very poor (aside from officers) who voluntarily signed up which I find kind of interesting but I guess everyone has different experiences and exposures to the people around them in their lives.
But again I acknowledge your actions since then in helping vets. I supposed that is all one can hope for.
Warfare often results in many veterans “having trouble getting along with their fellow students.” Or, just simply, they have trouble getting along.
True- these veterans are often a few years older than their classmates, and have had very different experiences/perspectives as a result of their military service (combat related and otherwise).
To address this, many college & university campuses are setting up Veteran’s Centers. SDSU has a residential building adjacent to campus exclusively for veterans. Mesa College and City College have strong veteran support programs, often organized and supported by the veterans themselves.
One more point: There are also challenges for family members of active duty service members & veterans. Children and spouses face additional challenges due to transfers, and during deployments, so now, in K-12 school districts, there are counselors trained to assist families in these circumstances. They recognize students are often impacted by frequent moves/interstate transfers. In the past, these disruptions resulted in children of active duty and/or veterans not graduating on time- or at all- due to lost credits when they moved from school to school.
In some cases, families chose to split up to allow the children to stay in school and complete their studies, while one parent lived elsewhere due to service-relate transfers.
On this point: I authored bills in Sacramento to keep free preschool available for military families in areas such as Liberty Station. Another bill entered California into an interstate compact that allows schools credits to be accepted from one state to another so a student did not need to repeat courses on, say, state history after doing a class in one state vs their current residence.
IOW- entire families face challenges both during a person’s military service, and after that service concludes- under any circumstance.
The point of my essay is: Let’s remember the service of all of them on Memorial Day.
What Lori said. Everything she said is correct combat or not. But for those who had combat experience that can further drive a gap. Add in political differences, differences in feelings about the military in general and whether or not we should have been in Afghanistan/Iraq that can create tension.
Veterans don’t have trouble getting along with other people because they have had different experiences. If they have PTSD, among Vietnam vets that was around 1 out of 3, they have a brain disease that expresses itself in anxiety and that is the symptom that drives us nuts and makes us hard to be around. Think about it, how many people that over react to negligible stimuli or are constantly in motion as if they are nervous do you hang around? We tend to avoid people like that because they make us uncomfortable. That’s what veterans with PTSD face every day. TBI just complicates it further. We aren’t bad people by and large, we are anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop. That puts people around us on alert and they don’t like it. And there you have it. It isn’t real complicated but it is incredibly frustrating, especially when you can’t figure out what is triggering it. The VA has no long term drugs to treat anxiety effectively. Cannabis works but you have to balance it out with the 2 strains, Sativa and Indica, and it is expensive. No drug that simply overpowers a symptom is perfect because when you discontinue it there will be a rebound effect that can be worse than the original anxiety you are treating. I did find some relief in Prolonged Exposure Therapy but I think it has to be repeated or followed up because the anxiety comes back after a few years or so. We were affected by the protests coming home but that was not the cause of our PTSD. It exacerbated it no doubt, and was painful but the brain disease was already there. The protests were legitimate in that draft age kids wanted a say in what war they were being asked to fight against whom and for what reason. There was nothing malicious about these anti-war protesters, every war has them. When they attacked our troops coming home I don’t know what they were thinking. I truly didn’t understand it and I avoided it. I guess San Francisco was where it was worst although I heard L.A. wasn’t too friendly either. I was 17 when I went in and didn’t know any better, I thought it was the right thing to do. I don’t know about any of you, but I didn’t make the best decisions of my life in my second decade on planet earth, in fact I decided and did things that scare me a little now. I was Marine Corps and they weren’t drafting in 71, in fact I never would have had to go because I had a high draft number. I was just an ignorant midwestern boy that answered his country’s call to arms. Most of the guys I met felt the same way. Many of our fathers had done it and it seemed normal to me. Most of us did come from lower income families, that was one of the first things I noticed in boot camp. But we wanted to be Marines for our own reasons and that’s why we were there. I hope this clears things up for some of you. Vietnam was just a word to most of us teenagers going into the military and it was Communist and that’s all we needed to know. No desire to kill our fellow man or destroy villages. Fight for our country, first and last. We’ve been at war more or less ever since and this one is never ending. Same formula though, enemies who cannot defeat us on the battle field but who don’t have to face an electorate. What makes them our enemies has not been well defined nor can we control all the variables that led up to this conflict. There are nation states out there with different agendas than ours and they actively pursue them even if they are in conflict with ours. We cannot manage the world like our leaders seem to believe at times. We have the most bombs so people have to hear us out but they don’t have to agree. We are fighting a political war with weapons and it isn’t working. It will get you more vets with PTSD though, you can count on that. And the bill keeps getting bigger. Maybe it is time to put a stop to it and saving our youth from brain disease is as good a reason as any. Let’s end it and then we won’t have to worry about more TBI and PTSD.
Michael: Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It sums up almost everyone on this thread has said, one way or the other. I hope you are doing well. You and I must be about the same age. If I think back to when I was 19, my judgement was not as good as it might be later on in my life. I regret the way I, and others, treated the returning veterans. It makes me sick to think I had that little compassion at 19 years old. But I did protest. I did blame the soldiers and out government who sent them there. What I did not know was how terrible it really was for our men and women. We focused on the killings of thousands of innocent Vietnamese who wanted no part of what we were doing there. And, what we need now is to focus on getting enough money for helping the veterans when they return. And, as you know, that isn’t happening with any great speed. More useless tools of destruction are being built that even the military says it doesn’t need. I guess what I am trying to say is the only people who got rich over there were the companies that built anything related to war. What was never really provided in the National budget was helping the soldiers once they returned. That is why I work pro bono with veterans. It is the only way I know of to make a small difference.
I guess I was a bit harsh so I apologies.
On the your point here. I honestly think the money is there to help returning vets but the powers that be just don’t want to allocate it that way and that’s what needs to change. If we are going to spend money to wage war and send people there then we need we need to be willing to spend the money to help them when the return. I work in military administration (civil service), specifically to help sick and injured military members navigate through the bureaucracy of military healthcare. Most are trying to get better and continue on with their military careers but others are awaiting disability percentages from both the DOD and VA (if it’s been determined they will no longer be fit to continue). I can honestly say there needs to be better training of staff and better procedures to keep unqualified personnel from being assigned those kinds of billets. I supposed if all else worked the way it should I wouldn’t be doing my particular job. Go figure.
San Diego has a huge military community, and many challenges to support those who serve(d)- active duty, retired, veterans, civilian employees and their families… it’s complicated.
I’m happy to see all these comments- thank you for sharing your experiences in respectful, thoughtful ways.