Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman”
By Judi Curry
The well has run dry! There is nothing to be had anywhere. Life is a sad, lonely spiral, as the tap only trickles its remaining rust and dirt from the spigot. What the hell is she talking about, you ask? On line dating, of course!
I’ve tapped into Zoosk. I turned the spigot off on eHarmony. I cleaned out the faucet on Mingle. I prayed for a good catch at JD. I fished at Plenty of Fish. I didn’t care if I was overweight at Big and Beautiful People Meet. I didn’t lie about my age at Senior People Meet. It wasn’t my time at OurTime.com. There were no rich men at RichMen.com. There were no matches at Match.com and several other sites that I don’t remember for I was with them a very short time.
I have found that I could make a lot of money if I wanted to engage in phone sex. Well, I don’t know if it would be a LOT of money, but I am getting pretty good at it. It is a little titillating – big tits do it for some men – but it’s not the way this former school principal wants her obituary to read. I am known for many things, but phone sex? Nah, don’t think so.
The experiences have been interesting, to say the least. How about the date where I had a $30 gift certificate and the total bill came to $6. I was asked for $4.50 – my part of the bill – even after paying out the $30 certificate.
Or how about the guy that told me I was everything he ever wanted in a woman – “beautiful, intelligent, sense of humor, etc., and when you lose 20# please give me a call.” Hell, if I was everything he wanted in a woman you’d think he would want more of me – not less.
How about this email I got recently: the man lives in Tucson and I told him that Tucson was just too far for a relationship. His answer? Copied directly – except he did it in all caps:
“Far away?? Obviously you don’t get out of San Diego very often. Thank you for turning me down. Your age is very evident. Good luck!!!.”
I kept a record of every time I was asked my bust size. You might find this hard to believe, but I was asked 76 times! I should have kept track of how many men I blocked, but I didn’t.
I was approached 56 times by men between the ages of 22 and 35. I usually asked them why they were interested in a great-grandmother, or what they thought their own mothers would say if I dated them? Same answer by most of them – “I have always liked older women.”
Over 136 men lived at least 100 miles away, with the farthest being in the UK and Tasmania.
Recently, as I went from site to site paying my last respects to my membership, I found that almost all of the sites had some of the same men on them — some using the same name, some using the same picture, some changing their profession, their age, their marital status.
Some were blatantly looking for sex. Some admitted to be married but said, “My wife doesn’t like sex anymore.” Some said that they had to resort to prescription drugs with their wives and want to see if that was true with a “fling.”
It goes on and on and on. But… I did meet a few nice men that I still go out to dinner with and consider friends. In fact, one of my friends now has a friend of his own, and brings her, too, when we go out. I am happy for him – and, quite honestly, a little bit jealous.
Recently I even met a male and a female that I greatly admire, and watching them it is obvious to me that they are in the beginning of a romantic relationship. How lucky for them; it is fun to watch, even though I feel a little awkward rounding out the threesome. But they keep asking me to go with them, and I don’t want to stay at home, so I go. (I did threaten to write a piece on their romance, but it will have to wait awhile.)
I’ve now been to senior citizen meetings – all women for the most part. I rejoined the Point Loma Democratic Club for intellectual stimulation, although I am not sure that was the kind of stimulation I was interested in receiving. I am getting active in politics again.
I might even step out to one of the Ocean Beach Bars – purely for research purposes, you understand. Sort of to broaden out my restaurant reviews. I have attended OASIS classes – nothing there that is worth anything, except to relieve the boredom I frequently feel staying at home.
So the search goes on – what more can I say? I’m still looking – and maybe someday my prince will come into Point Loma on his white steed, pull into my circular driveway, and sweep me off my feet. Until then … I’m still looking.
Judi Curry
Latest posts by Judi Curry (see all)
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- My April Fool’s Day Story for the Year – Looking for a Man - April 1, 2017
- Restaurant Review: Pepe’s in Ocean Beach - March 15, 2017
Judi- I’m going to miss your posts about online dating. So where will your courage and humor and curiosity show up next? I’m staying tuned…
What does this have to do with progressive views or grassroots news? Satire? News? I am missing why your dating life and online matchmaking experiments should show up here. Sorry to hear that it’s so pathetic, but it ain’t news and it sure doesn’t make you any more desirable!
KeninSD- lighten up buddy. No one holds a gun to your head and makes you read a post. So why exactly are you reading Sex in San Diego, if that is somehow not a progressive thing? And please, don’t be rude.
Hey, Ken. Show some respect! If you don’t like what we publish then go troll somewhere else.
Ken, you getting the message? A 70-something dame diving into online dating and reporting on her findings (ugh) seems pretty progressive to me.
Sorry that I stepped on sensitive toes! And, they weren’t even yours! It seems like a valid question and was posed courteously, not rudely. The lightening up really is in your side of the post.
Having a pet writer who can brook no criticism seems much more like something from our friends at SD Rostra! Progressives should be better than this.
Your response implies that you too are a “progressive”. But does a progressive say this to a stranger:
“I am missing why your dating life and online matchmaking experiments should show up here. Sorry to hear that it’s so pathetic, but it ain’t news and it sure doesn’t make you any more desirable!”
Judi Curry happens to be able to write about parts of her private life in at times amusing and insightful ways, issues that corporate and mainstream media ignore or gloss over or that try to sell you something to alleviate the pain described.
So as a fellow progressive try to have patience with our writers and bloggers who explore the nuances and private corners of our secret lives. Try to appreciate how difficult it may be for some to describe these elements and aspects of life but who try anyhow and are success at getting their stories and points across. Our sister here does have quite a following among our readers, people who do appreciate her wit, sarcasm, irony, and small tragedies.
It certainly seems that a contrary view is not appreciated here. How sad.
It’s not the contrary view that’s getting flak, but the insensitive rhetoric.
The author, Frank, Doug and Anna are professional writers who should be able to take the criticism of a published work without having to claim special circumstances that require forbearance on the part of a reader.
Sensitivity, or perceived lack thereof, has nothing to do with it. It was an uninteresting article that I believe should not have been accepted for publication were it not for the now obvious personal relationships on the part of the editorial staff. Had I knowledge of that, I would have simply not commented.
This is either a site that takes its mission seriously or is an overdeveloped hobby. If it’s the latter, I apologize and will look elsewhere for a progressive publication in town. If it’s the former, and San Diego does need a progressive voice, then leave the sentimentality behind and get back to taking our local politics and corporate leaders to task for the sorry state that they have made of our underfunded education system and public infrastructure. You have a long way to go to corral those rascals!
None of your excuses justify your insensitivity, that’s all. They can take criticism, and even snide japes. But that doesn’t mean they’ll accept them reticently, as you seem to expect. Again, they’re not chiding you for your dissent, but for being indecent. You owe Judi an apology for your untoward language.
As for the SDP, this article does speak to conditions in SD, and I’m quite sure the piece has nothing to do with editorial “relationships.” Now stop talking to me. Comment on the article, apologize, whatever. I’m not the author or the editor.
Being progressive is more than “taking local politics and corporate leaders to task.” Too bad so-called progressives like you don’t understand that.
Courteous? Close that barn door when you come home!
Now, now, Family. The truth is that Judi Curry’s reportage about the online dating world for a widowed granny is bold and honest — if uncomfortable reading. I salute her grit.
Thank you Frank – and all the others too.
Hey, you got some friends out of it, Judi! And several columns, and a whole lotta eye-openers!
Judi and readers- a few more words about the nexus of sex and progressive spaces… It takes a great deal of courage for many of our writers to express feelings and analysis that run contrary to heavily perpetuated mainstream views. There are few areas where that tension is more evident than around women’s sexuality and agency over their own bodies. That means that women are more than mothers, wives and grandmothers or defined by any other relationship. They are women. Period.
Sex in San Diego is a thoughtfully curated column that shatters the typical depictions of sex as humping heterosexual twenty year olds. There is NO typical depiction of sex at SDFP and that is the point of this column which has addressed such far ranging issues as vasectomies, arranged marriages and pubic hair. That is what progressive means.
And this particular progressive space has provided Judi with an environment in which she can talk about what it means to be a sexual woman who misses the intimacy and emotional satisfaction that she shared for many years with a very wonderful man. With great courage, honesty and humor, she has gone forth over the past year in pursuit of what she wants. Gee- isn’t that what men do? And write about?
I think most women get it. And many men get it, but evidently not all of them.
This is perfect.
Here at San Diego Free Press we don’t claim to have all the answers. Sex in San Diego is an example of us exploring the possibilities.
I am proud of the column. I would rather be perceived as a ‘hobbyist’ than a rigid ideologue, journalism ‘professional’ or know-it-all.
I further believe that sexual repression/ignorance are foundations of the fascist state.
Why do I love the San Diego Free Press and its contributors? See all of the above, ending with Doug Porter, the only person I know who would invoke the fascist state in this conversation. Gore Vidal lives.
Judi, Thank you for your interesting & honest article. I always appreciate the way you write about this subject & others. You deserve to have your knight in shining armor pull into your circular driveway soon & sweep you off your feet. I hope & pray he shows up soon. God bless you.
I’m waiting Candy. I’m waiting.