By Tony Krvasse / UT-Norts Spews Columnist
Call me an old jock, if you want, but there’s no room in the NFL for homophobia. I’ve known lots of lineman who played around in the showers. After all, what are bare asses and wet towels for? Snap!
If you get that, then you’ll get this: the Chargers have got to draft Michael Sam.
Just in case you’ve been blacked out for the last few weeks I should let you know now that Michael Sam is the first major college top draft pick who’s declared himself open to man love. AND, he happens to be a great pass rusher, something the Chargers just can’t seem to do more than a few times a season.
Michael Sam is a defensive end who knows how get around the …um…back sides of those double-wides on offense; he’s the Southeastern Conference’s Defensive Player of the Year because of it. Can anyone name either of the Chargers defensive ends?
Let me point out a few realities about San Diego.
First of all, this is a gay town. Where else do San Francisco web designers who’ve been priced out of their neighborhoods go but to San Diego, the other town in California with a Market Street?
So, put that together with the fact (someone told me) that San Diego is the largest NFL market that the tv networks regularly black out because the Spanos family sometimes can’t get enough fans to watch their team at Qualcomm.
All we have to do is put gays together with the NFL and it’s concussion time, baby. A whole new money paradigm.
Gays will buy blocks of seats at Qualcomm. Those pink socks and wrist wraps the past season will become a double entendre the next one. The love of the game will morph into a new sort of sexual politics as gays turn out in force to say, We Came To See Sam the Man Slam the (Raiders, the Broncos, et.al.).
Of course, a certain amount of additional security might have to be imposed at Qualcomm to prevent the odd scuffle or two between the old and the new fan. But hey, that only proves that football is a job-creator, right?
Not only that, but a more widely popular Charger team would finally put down critics of a proposed downtown stadium.
From a planning point of view a gay-friendly NFL stadium is a no-brainer. Not only would it dwarf the new Central Library nearby, which happens to lord it over the neighborhood now, but, more to the point, it would provide the other bookend, so to speak, to the notoriously heterosexual Gaslamp Quarter at the other side of downtown.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but building a stadium would also employ a lot of people, too.
So I say, draft Michael Sam “The Slam.”
Lori Saldaña says
In addition, I suspect the NFL will begin offering rainbow-inspired fan attire very soon. (Pink is reserved for the girls, aka breast cancer awareness)
Bruce Fett says
Coaches are always talking about “courage” and what a good thing it is. Obviously, Michael Sam has that in excess, plus he has proven he can play with the best (SEC). Drafting him looks like a no lose situation.
bob dorn says
Underneath satire lies true intent. I’m glad to see serious support for drafting
Michael Sam (even if not for the reasons offered by Norts Spews and Tony
Daniel Abbott says
Luiget and Reyes are two of the most promising young defensive ends in the league, we play a 3-4 defensive in which he would play outside linebacker not defensive end. Having a team talented enough for playoffs consistently is what will impact blackouts, not drafting gay players. Honestly, since when are homosexuals into football? I’m sorry but this entire article is nescient and all points are simply incorrect.
Doug Porter says
Daniel–Go to the top of this story. See where it says satire? As if saying it was from UT-Norts Spews wasn’t a clue…