As my subscriptions to five online dating sites comes to a close, I look back at some of the situations I have found myself in and can’t help but laugh hysterically. On the other hand, some of the time I found myself sad and depressed because things did not turn out the way I had hoped they would. Sounds like I might be bordering on bipolarism.
Some of the people that I have met have been wonderful and I consider them friends. Of course, I wasn’t looking for friends when I joined the sites; I was – and still am – looking for a companion, a lover, a best friend. I am thrilled that Joe, a man I frequently went out with has found a potential companion for life. I will always think of him as a friend and have also “friended” his new squeeze. Jim, I know I can always count on you if I need help; you have been there each and every time I have asked for some thing.
I have been amazed at the number of men that are married and are looking for a one-nighter. I know their wives don’t understand them, or their wives don’t like sex anymore, or their wives are having an affair and these men just want to “get back at them.” On the same hand, I am amazed at the number of men who are interested in having a mistress. One man told me that I would have to quit all the sites I am on if I were to be his mistress because he didn’t want me “screwing anyone else.” Huh? It’s OK for him to screw around on his wife but I, a single woman, cannot screw around on him. Yeah!
You have already read about the man who told me to hurry up and eat because he only had 2 hours left on his Viagra. Surprisingly enough, he was not the only one who told me he was taking it – or Cialis – because he could not sustain an erection without it. One man said he was hoping that with a new partner he would not have to take either of the medications.
Several men asked me what kind of sex I liked and were quite graphic in what they wanted to do – and what they wanted done to them. Many men said that their wives or girlfriends didn’t like oral sex but they did and they wanted to make sure it would be part of our relationship. “I don’t care if you do it to me, but I just love to do it to women!”
Some men wanted to know if they could bring a video camera to our dates and film our activities so that they could be analyzed later on. Yeah. Like watching a rerun of a Charger game.
Many, and I do mean many, seemed to be fixated on the top part of my body. I can’t tell you how many times I was asked what size bra I wore. Or asked if one thing or another excited me more than something else? It finally came to the point that when I was asked my bra size I asked their penis size. Truly. No joke. And then I got graphic – length, width, circumcised, uncut and any other thing I could think to ask about them. And then I blocked them from writing to me again.
Several men asked me if I used toys and if it would be OK to bring them along on our “dates.”
One man I corresponded with living in Nevada really had me going. He sent me flowers, made a date to meet me in San Diego, and then never showed up. Twice. I blocked him, too.
I think the thing that surprised me the most was the number of 40- to 50-year-olds who wrote to me. When I asked them why they were corresponding with me they usually answered the same thing: “I like experienced women” or “older women don’t play games like younger ones.” I remember a saying many years ago — way before I was an “older woman” which said, ” . . . older women are grateful.” There might be some truth in that, too.
I would tell those men I didn’t mind being a cougar, but my cub needed to be weaned! Sometimes, when the male was so young it was laughable, I asked him what his mother would think if she knew he were dating someone her age. I frequently said that I should meet the mother — that we probably had more in common than he and I. But they never really backed down — and although I was not adverse to meeting some of these cubs — I never met one that interested me.
Two men told me they were into bondage and wanted me to realize that at certain times I might be tied up. They didn’t know who they were talking to. And then I have already written about the young man who wanted me to discipline him every time he did something wrong. He wanted to be spanked; he wanted to be hurt. My mistake was that I said I wasn’t interested. In retrospect, I could have charged him every time I spanked him and I bet he would have paid nicely. Unfortunately, spanking is not in my makeup!
One gentleman I met has to be the wealthiest man I have ever met. Original Picassos, Monets and Van Goghs, but no personality. My daughter told me I could learn to love him, but I don’t think I could have. I only saw him one time. He had a beautiful home, drove a Mercedes, and was very nice but there was no spark between us.
Now on my final week of website memberships, I find that the past six months have been months of frustration, anticipation and boredom.
Reading and answering some of the inquiries I received took a great deal of time and for that I am grateful. It gave me something to do. With this void coming up in the near future, I am trying to find other activities that will keep me busy. But nothing I do will offer the variety of emotions I have encountered over the past few months. And, sad to say, I am in the exact same place I was six months ago – still a lonely widow.
The idea of standing on a street corner with a sign that says, “Will Cook for Companionship” just doesn’t have any appeal to me. Besides, I would probably have to fight for a good corner, and I am not a fighter. I am sure that others have met companions for life online. My publisher and his lady met on-line and I am so jealous of their relationship. And it goes without saying that they are both cynics – like me. But they were in the right place at the right time and have a wonderful relationship.
Hmmm. Right place, right time. Maybe that corner sounds enticing after all.
You are and will always be a friend to me.
Joe, thank you.
Wow! Where do you get the energy, Judi? You are such a great writer, and it’s always fun to read your posts.
I don’t think it is energy, Nancy. I think, to use the vernacular – it can be summed up in one word – hutzpa! Working on 3 more articles for the near future. Hope you like them when I finish!
Zach on the side says
Truth is stranger than fiction after all. Among all the possibilities, everything but a good, warm, engaging guy. Isn’t it amazing to take a survey of the human animal?
Katie Clifford says
My daughter, who lives in San Diego & in her 40’s, has texted me all the emails, texts, pictures (numerous, I might add), etc., from all the dating websites she has belonged to recently & in the past, from all the men, and, yes, women too, which was not part of her profile. We have joked & laughed a lot till our stomachs hurt, been completely disgusted, grossed out, & have often wondered, do other women encounter some of the same types of sick individuals? I have been widowed for 3 yrs. now, live in Hawaii, & I must say, I will never, ever go on a dating website. And here I thought I had balls! I, gladly, hand over the brass balls to you, Judi! Thank you for your courage & bravado. Aloha & Mahalo, Katie, alone in Hawaii & loving it!!!
Good Evening. Thank you for your comments. To say this experience has been discouraging is not quite true, for it has given me fodder for my articles. After all, what else would I do with my time if I was meeting weirdo’s, sex maniacs, men wanting to be spanked, wanting to see “if it is only my wife that I can’t get it up with”, etc. In all fairness, I have met three men that I now consider friends – ones that I thought might develop into a romantic interest but it didn’t work out. I am working on a book – and hoping that the last chapter will knock off everyone’s socks. Not there yet – but working on it.
I admire you for your courage to stick to your beliefs and live by the rules you are comfortable with. Loneliness makes people do things they would not normally do. Mahalo, Judi
Zach on the side says
Socks primed and ready!